Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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