I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
