Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
