DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
