listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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