When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize