He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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