If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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