You smell like a Billy Joel song
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
