I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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