hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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