Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
