I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
