She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
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They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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