I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
