I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
