im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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