I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
