my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
