May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
