I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
