we're blogging at a bar
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
