I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Is Oprah even human
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
