you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
