who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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