I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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