Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
