He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
