where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
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The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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