you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
