how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
