from now on my penis is your penis
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
