it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
