is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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