A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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