the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
