I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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