I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
