For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
