He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
