drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
