May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
