I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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