I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
