The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
