I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
