She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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