I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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