I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
