we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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