A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
