8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
