glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
