so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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