Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
