We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
