I'm pants shitting drunk right now
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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