My hand turned me down
i just had sex bonerless
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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