hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
