I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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