Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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