Just fell off a train. Bad.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
