hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
