My cat gives me a boner
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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