wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
