She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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