i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
