the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
