i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
