Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
