Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
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Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
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I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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