i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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