Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
