I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Randomize
