Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
