I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
