Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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