she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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